Bessie and Me: Shifting Gears

Red Rocks Amphitheater outside Denver I always experience a post-road trip depression of sorts when I return home. Even more so this trip since I had to bury Our Dad in the middle of this summers excursion. Bessie is clean and gleaming in the darkened garage, awaiting my attention…but I’m not inclined to ride anytime soon. If I believe the words of the Eulogy I wrote – and I do wholeheartedly – then I am practicing acceptance. Monday was the first day I was truly ‘alone,’ after traveling with my partner for three weeks and being surrounded by family and friends during the week in Indiana. Normally, I embrace my time alone, this week….it has been uncomfortable.   “I don't wanna be the girl who has to fill the silence The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth (Pink)” The truth is, I am still bewildered by Our Dad’s choice. I awake each morning grateful for the daylight, grateful for the quiet satisfaction of a strong cup of coffee sweete...

I awoke Friday morning exhausted; as if someone had put on boxing gloves and gently but consistently pummeled me from head to toe. I dreaded the long journey ahead of us. Since arriving in Indiana early Wednesday morning, it had been   a whirlwind of responsibilities. Mine were minimal compared to what my brother and sister had already had to do to arrange the funeral, tie up loose ends, and cover all the bases that need covering when a parent dies. After the service and dinner at the church, I think we all felt a foreboding. Our Grandparents were gone,   our Mom was gone, our Dad was gone…..who does the family gather around from this point forward? We were all at loose ends. The trip back to Florida would be another ‘get on the super slab and ride’ kinda trip….the worst. I-75 South is congested with traffic, and the Weather Gods were not going to be in our favor today.   We gulped a cup of coffee, my brother gave me a hug and we TRIED to sli...

Dads Eulogy June 18, 2014 On behalf of our family, thank you for being here today to pay your respects and help us say good bye to our Dad. Our Dad was a man who seemingly had everything to live for and there is a lesson to be learned in this tragedy. To my brother Dave and my sister Jodi: Our Dad had three incredible children. Each of talented, educated, successful, and devoted …..in our own individual ways. You need to hear that. Our Dad had six awesome grandchildren; beautiful, brilliant, talented, and so far…everyone college educated. Jackson is yet to graduate from high school. He loved each one of you and never failed to tell anyone who would listen, of your triumphs no matter how big or how small. In fact …If you are setting here today, you have probably heard a story about John Tolberts children or grandchildren. He was extremely proud of each one of us. You need to hear that. Our Dad was a kind, loving, decent man who believed in the basic values...

"Well Toto, we are certainly not in Kansas anymore!' I set my alarm for 3am, thinking we would get a super early start and possibly get a few miles down the road befor the wind kicked up.....nay, nay on both counts. We were so beat and exhausted that the alarm was an unwelcome interruption to a much needed rest...I hit snooze and three more times we decided it just couldn't be done. Both of us dreaded facing that wind again today, but there was no way around it. Cowboy up and ride. It was not nearly as bad as yesterdays wind/ride, but the wind followed us in varying degrees all the way to Illinois. The Eastern part of Kansas with the bright green hills and deep ravines was suggestive of the Emerald City...we could have used a Wizard as well to cast a spell and make the wind subside. This kind of balls to the wall ride is not my cup of tea; I learned to ride hard and about five months into my tutelege....I decided I didn't want to travel this way....all interstate, see ...

We had a great Father's Day in spite of the sadness.  After a restless sleep, I was up before the alarm and anxious to get started on the journey home. There was a chill in the air, a foreboding of sorts, as we loaded the bikes and left my nieces house in Lakewood Colorado. I watched the Denver skyline with the Rocky Mountains as backdrop, disappear in my rearview mirror. Sometimes the direction you want to go is not the direction you need to go. After my last trip across I-70 on two wheels, I vowed I would never do it again....and here I am headed east on 70.  The Great Plains region of our country is starkly beautiful....I understand the 'amber waves of grain' lyrics perfectly. However, when you are rolling along on two wheels, the endless fields of grain, corn, and fallow ground is monotonous. The kind of monotony that is hypnotic; you feel like you are on a wheel that just rolls the same section of scenery by, giving only the illusion of moving. You find yourself reliev...

Instead of calling my Dad to wish him a Happy Father's Day.....I approved the obituary my sister-in-law drafted for the newspaper. Thats just not right. I kissed my partner Paul, and told him Happy Father's Day. I hugged my daughter - who just lost her Daddy in April - and told her I loved her and somehow we would get through this day with a smile.  My niece doesn't drink coffee...meaning there is NO coffee pot in the house. Paul and I are rabid coffee drinkers....we are awake about 530, we groggily pull on our street clothes, intent on finding that strong, hot elixir of life.  We already knew the Chick Fil-A wouldn't be open on Sunday....we tried the huge Target store...thinking we would actually BUY a coffee pot, coffee, and filters.....not open till 8...we will be in withdrawals by then. We head back across the commons, and spy a Panera Bread.....they open at 7am, it is 645am.  Paul and I troll the sidewalk in front of Panera like addicts waiting on the methadone cli...

The shrill sound of my cell phone at 4am Mountain Time jolted me from a deep, tired sleep. It was my brother delivering the startling news that our Dad was dead. We had just arrived in Colorado Springs, my daughter had just arrived in Denver where my Niece lives. One deliberate (or random) act can change the course of life itself. He called 911, laid down in the bed he had shared with my Mother for nearly 50 years, placed the .22 pistol under his chin, and chose to end his life, leaving those of us who love him to wonder 'why?' It is impossible to place logic on such a selfish, illogical act.  I was speechless when my Brother delivered the news, he too was in such shock that the details came over the wireless connection as matter-of-fact. My Dad was a man who seemingly had it all; a loving family, three successful children, six awesome grandchildren, a comfortable retirement, a nice home, a dedicated church family, and good health. He left a note, he left detailed instructi...

I know...I lost day five and six. We awoke in Amarillo to more threats of severe weather....and for the second time we have been threatened with severe weather, it never materialized Thank God. Unless you consider savage wind severe weather...more about that later. There were several bikes in the hotel parking lot this morning ...lots of bikers travel Route 66. While Paul finished packing, I carried my things downstairs and started to load my bike. There were two other couples loading their bikes (riding two up...the girls didn't have their own). One of the guys asked where I was going ....after mentioning our destination...he then proceded to tell me that if I had a rolling pack it wouldn't be so tough to carry everything out to the bike (right). Then he told me that if I had one of the gel seats like HE had, my ass wouldn't get so tired (did I mention a tired ass to this jerk?? No.). Then he tells me that 'I hope you have something to go over your ears, the wind is re...

 I was euphoric after todays ride through the Texas Hill country! Our stay in Austin was a little disappointing, but the weather and the fact we were there on a Monday night probably had something to do with it. We spent most of yesterday riding in severe weather...although it had stopped to a drizzle near Austin, it continued to rain sporadically all eve. We took a cab to Stubb's for BBQ and walked 6th street. Although there was a good deal of live music, it seemed to be of the head banging variety, which didn't interest me at all. I heard one decent blues guitar. Sorry Kelly, didn't make it to the Continental Club, that probably would have been more our speed!  Somewhere along 6th street, we both hit that imaginary wall that indicates its time to give it a rest. When planning this trip, I realized yesterday that I cut out time short in the Texas Hill country; called my Aunt and Uncle in Ft. Worth to tell them we wouldn't be in until Wednesday. We worked our way out of...