Educator Purgatory

"Myths can't be translated as they did in their ancient soil. We can only find our own meaning in our own time." ~ Margaret Atwood, author of 'A Handmaid's Tale'

I feel as though I'm standing on the shores of the River Styx where Hades, God of the Underworld has just assigned my soul to the Asphodel Meadows for all eternity. 'Meadows' sounds pleasant and it IS better than having your soul condemned to Tartarus; in Greek Mythology the Asphodel Meadows is the region of the Underworld where the majority of the deceased arrive. It is the region of indifference, where those who had lived neither an overly good nor an overly bad life would end up. Ultimately, one wants to shoot for the Elysian Fields when you arrive on the shore of the River Styx.

As an educator, I belong in a classroom...in front of children...preferably children who are eager to learn. Educators have been in purgatory (the Meadows)  these last several months....that netherworld where your soul screams for something tangible. Teachers are PLANNERS...we get real prickly when we are unable to PLAN (and don't get me started on LABELING items). Just when I think it's okay to plan for returning to the classroom, I read the daily news which includes the death toll from COVID19, I see pictures of a portable ICU and MORGUE in the hospital parking lot in my little town, or I personally know yet another person who has been struck down with the virus.

THE VIRUS; hangs over our head like a leviathan.
And that's how I see it; gnarly, fierce, unpredictable, all CAPS.

By this point in the summer I'm all ramped up to return to my classroom. Last weekend I stood forlornly in the school supply aisle at Walmart. Normally I would have tossed numerous items in my cart...'Ooooo, look at those! (toss)', 'I'm sure I can use some of these (toss),' 'My kids must EAT the erasers, I'll stock up (toss),' 'they never bring the right spiral notebook (toss two cases in cart),' and 'That's cute, it will look good on my desk (toss)!' Alas, the only school supplies I tossed in the cart were two lone notebooks. Normally I recreate my interactive notebook for the new year....they are still sitting on the desk in my office, untouched...not even LABELED! Then there's the cleaning supplies aisle which looks like the bottled water aisle as a Cat3 hurricane is bearing down on my state of Florida...empty. No tossing of cleaning supplies; instead I search Pinterest for 'ideas' on making my own disinfectant wipes! In the snack aisle I usually toss the industrial size bag of SMARTIES in my cart because I give SMARTIES to recognize student achievement...online, I'm stuck with 'giving badges' which is an electronic sticker. Not the same. No SMARTIES were tossed recently.

My 'cart' on Amazon is full of bulletin board borders, banners, and other decorations for my 2020/21 anticipated theme...Superheroes! What good is all that if I'm teaching online? I wrote two new units: Canine Heroes (Informative) and Hero Athletes or Dopers? (Argumentative) to tie in with my Literary Units: The Hero Within (we either read The Hobbit or The Lightening Thief depending on the ability of my assigned students) and Heroes in Greek Mythology (Black Ships Before Troy). None of these units will transfer well online. I am a kinesthetic, tactile learner therefore that is how I teach. My kids create an interactive notebook full of foldables and color...items they create with scissors, glue, crayons and markers. I have costumes for readers' theater skits....difficult to do online. Yes, I know it CAN be done with intense modifications...I resist.

And did I mention the eight pairs of Skechers I've purchased since April? All new, all comfy 'teacher shoes' ready to step back into the classroom..when it's safe. Next week, out of sheer boredom, I will clean out my closet; tossing out the classroom capri's and school logo monogramed button down shirts that have Sharpie marks, ink stains from fresh copies, coffee stains where I drag my cup from one desk to another to work one-on-one with a student (THAT will not happen in the classroom) and the careless food stains where I'm trying to wolf down my lunch while inputing grades that are due at 4pm. Normally I would be at Belk's (they have my favorite capri's that actually FIT) buying eight different colors...which will not matter at all if I'm online! Fashion purgatory.

Heroes! I guess every teacher will be a hero if we step back into the classroom during a pandemic. Meanwhile, I sit in the GREAT UNKNOWN listening to the rhetoric on the news, on social media and from people like my hair stylist (Yes, I want my kids back in school!). I bide my extended time writing (I DID start a new book), once a week I have my grandson, gathering reading material for my students, and riding my motorcycle... while the decision makers of this school district bandy ideas around trying to please everybody and suck up to the political mandates. Sometimes too many CHOICES create anxiety and confusion. Just pick ONE and let's roll out of purgatory with it!

Debi Tolbert Duggar is the author of 'Riding Soul-O'

Part Memoir, Part Travelogue, Part Spiritual Salvation

Available at Bessieandme.com or online wherever books are sold