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Cultural Lullaby or Rock n Roll Anthem?


Cultural Lullaby


I ran across this term in my morning reading then I went for a walk and my brain caught fire with the concept. When my brain catches fire it ignites a explosion of words on my computer screen.

I Googled the term and only found the definition for 'lullaby.' We all know the concept of 'lullaby,' a soft, lyrical tune we sing to children to soothe them to sleep, calm their fears, or regulate their behavior. It is those last three words that stopped me cold, 'regulate their behavior.' Add 'cultural' to the word and you have a 'song' that is imposed upon us by our culture, our tribe, our caregivers to regulate our behavior. 

The author whose words I read this morning (Thank you Egle) pointed out that by our mid-thirties culture has imposed certain 'shoulds' upon us (especially women):
You should have a career
You should have a husband
You should have children
You should have a house, mortgage, car, etc., 
On and on ad nauseum
The culture is singing the lullaby and attempting to regulate our behavior with the soothing song of SHOULD. If you choose instead, to travel the globe on a motorcycle, well, then there is something wrong with you. I call bullshit! and I pump my fist in the air in solidarity with women who choose to ignore the cultural lullaby.

Cultural Lullaby and Aging


I get it. I too had a family that sang that tune trying to lull me into the complacency they all thought was 'normal' behavior. I had the volume cranked up on the rock n roll playing on the stereo and refused to listen. I remember flunking out of college in 1974 (Apparently drugs and alcoholwas not an official degree program) and returned home an academic failure. My mom looked at me and said, 'Well, you just need to get married or find a job.' She was singing the lullaby and those were my only two choices. My mom was a product of the '50's when marriage was the ONLY acceptable choice for women. My mom was somewhat of a rebel however; she was a working mom in the '60's and eventually operated her own business. She just couldn't find a different tune to sing in terms of my future. My psyche screamed for other options. I was a seeker, a wanderer, inquisitive, and determined to find more than marriage and a job to cling to for the rest of my life.

I passed the 'middle-age' milestone a few decades ago and have moved into my sixties (ouch!). I still reject the soothing song of a cultural lullaby, choosing the rock n roll anthems that have been the soundtrack to my life thus far. Each day we have the power to look in the mirror and claim 'this is not how my story will end.'

If I succumbed to the cultural lullaby at this point in my life I would be a gray haired old lady who dressed in comfortable clothing (stretchy, nondescript), played bridge or bingo once a week but only after watching all the morning shows and waited patiently for her grandkids to visit or call. If  I just described you - one of my readers - I make no apologies. This may work very well for you and I am happy for you. But this is not how my story is written nor will 'average' ever be my legacy. My culture couldn't lull me into 'normal,' THEN and they sure as hell haven't been able to lull me into 'normal' NOW.

Rock n Roll Anthem

From an early age I have kept time to the beat of a different drum. I grew up with Elvis, Jerry Lee Lewis, Fats Domino and all the early rock n rollers on my parents stereo. I embraced the Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Jefferson Airplane, Joplin, Hendrix, Clapton, Springsteen and many other artists of the '60's and '70's. They were my tribe, they sang the songs that inspired me to question, to wander, to seek answers, to define what freedom was to me and live a life of unbridled passion. And they still do. Yes, at some point a home, a savings account, and all that grown up stuff is important...but I get to choose when its time to play grown up, not have it chosen for me by a chorus singing the 'Shoulds.'

I have not bought into the cultural lullaby of 'aging,' I have chosen my own tunes, mapped my own route, and traveled my own road; a journey that feeds my soul.  To quote Maya Angelou I 'wouldn't take nothing for my journey now.' I bought my first motorcycle at the age of 52 and embarked on my journey of discovery, solo. How many times on this journey have I heard, 'Did you ride all the way by yourself?' "Where is your husband?' People singing the cultural lullaby, me with my fingers in my ears saying 'lalalalalalalalalalalal....'

Which genre of music is the soundtrack to YOUR life?
Heavy Metal?
Rap/Hip Hop?
Or like me, Rock n Roll?
Maybe its classical, or jazz!

Embrace the genre, crank it up loud, drown out the cultural lullaby playing softly, insidiously around you and dance to your own beat.

Debi Tolbert Duggar is the author of 'Riding Soul-O,' part memoir, part travelogue, part spiritual salvation. 
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